Want More Control in Your Life???

Rob Porter recently resigned as White House staff secretary.  A New York Times article (dated February 7, 2018) stated, “Mr. Porter announced his resignation on [Feb. 7, 2018] a day after his two former wives accused him in interviews of physical abuse when they were married to him.”

We do what we do to get our needs met. Perhaps his wives stayed in their marriages to get acceptance, security and/or companionship.  Or it is possible they didn’t get out sooner because they received (or hoped to receive) power, status and/or support.  These two women also made their declarations in an effort to get their needs met—perhaps those of validation, safety, control and/or to escape the guilt they felt for not reporting it sooner. 

In a Washington Post article (dated Feb. 12, 2018) Rob Porter’s first wife, Colbie Holderness, stated, “For me, living in constant fear of Rob’s anger and being subjected to his degrading tirades for years chipped away at my independence and sense of self-worth.”  This comment indicates perhaps she got out of the marriage to Rob Porter in an effort to regain her independence and self-worth. 

Porter’s wives may not have been aware that emotional needs were driving them to do what they did, but they did what they did in order to get their needs met.

Also, Rob Porter did what he did to meet his unmet emotional needs.  They could have been needs of acceptance, safety and/or competence.  They may have been needs of power and control.  We do what we do in order to meet unmet needs.

As human beings, we must have a certain level of control in our lives or we go crazy.  In very broad terms, two types of control exist in our lives—internal and external.  Internal control consists of things like self-discipline, acting in line with our prioritized values, choosing right because it is right even if it is hard, and managing our thoughts and feelings.  External control includes managing people and situations around us. 

To the extent we have internal control, we have little or no need for external control.  If someone is exercising a great deal of external control, it would make sense he or she is lacking internal control.  Those who have been through trauma may go to great lengths to have external control in order to maintain safety.  We do what we do in order to meet unmet needs.

Get Your Needs Met! is a self-help resource book that offers chapters of practical tools to create emotional independence and how to get your needs met.  It is available at KeyInsightsPublishing.com and for the price of a co-pay of a counseling session you will receive about 15 hours of therapeutic information. 

On March 31, 2018, a Saturday seminar, part of the Get Your Needs Met! series, will be held at the Shilo Inn.  It will be in the Temple View Room from 8:30-4:30 and will focus on tools to meet the emotional needs of: Safety, Support, Independence and Power & Control.  Register at: GetYourNeedsMet.Weebly.com.  Come and spend the day with Bob Stahn and learn how to Get Your Needs Met!

GetYourNeedsMet! Seminar Series Schedule

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Activities That Reduce Stress

Is stress causing you to not enjoy the simple things in life, like simply smiling.  If you answered yes then try these activities that will help reduce stress.  

1.  TRY PHYSICAL ACTIVITY.  You are probably thinking uh isn't there a different way. There might be, but this is amazing and it works if you just give it a try.  Perhaps you could break it down into 3 minute or 5 minute intervals.  Maybe do knee lifts for 2 or 3 minutes just to get your heart rate up, take a break then do it again.  Come on do it, it works and it helps.  Any physical exercise can work out stress and releases the pressure of feeling agitated, nervous or tense.  You owe it to yourself, you're worth it.  Remember, your body and your mind impact each other. 

2.  TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.  Pamper yourself.  Remember in this world, on this planet it is you vs. you.  You know what to do to treat yourself kind, this is just a reminder that you are worth it and you deserve the very best.  Sleep well, eat well, do your best to love and accept yourself just the way you are, at the same time have the attitude and mindset that you are ready to grow and there is always room for improvement.  Reward yourself for a job well done in all that you do.  Do something different, focus on enjoyment and smiling and creating positive things in life.

3.  MAKE TIME FOR FUN.  Play isn't just for kids.  Play is just as important as work.  Your well-being somewhat depends on your ability to not take yourself so serious and to goof-off a little bit, be spontaneous and remember fun is infectious.  When was the last time you gave goofing off and being spontaneous a try?  The truth is you can have fun no matter what you are doing if you really choose too.

4.  RELAX IT AWAY.  Are you thinking well it cant be that easy.  Perhaps it can be.  I would like to support you in thinking that it can be, let it be.  If stress is built up, close your eyes, take a deep breath and say to yourself, I am going to relax the stress away, it works.  Regardless of where your at you can breathe deeply and evenly and dream a wonderful dream.  Imagery, prayer, meditation and breathing are techniques that are at your exposure anytime, anyplace, remember to take advantage of them, they work.  They can and will take you mentally out of the turmoil and stressful moments.    Release muscle tension, find peace and tranquility by trusting the process.

5.  SHARE YOUR STRESS.  Did you know that by just simply talking to a concerned listener (counselor), it will reduce your stress.  Yes it is true.  Just by talking to a family member or friend who may see the situation in a different light can be therapeutic.  Yes it is true, you can diffuse the negative energy by talking or writing if your alone.  Dispel the tension cloud and bring a ray of clarity concerning your options.  Find a professional counselor that will support, empower, and provide a platform that will raise your level of existence to a whole new plateau.  

LET YOUR STRESS FLOW AWAY!
Visit us at: www.mywellspringcounselingllc.com


LET ME HELP YOU BECOME THE BEST VERSION OF YOU THAT YOU CAN BE!

Sincerely,
 Richard Morse LMSW, CCTP