Helping Others Grieve

by Shana Stubblefield

In November, my family lost a beloved uncle, suddenly and unexpectedly. His death has led me to reflect on the grieving process. What is the best way to help those we love cope with grief?

   Shortly after loss we can help by doing the following for the grieving:

• Bring in meals.
• Go shopping for them.
• Run errands for them.
• Take calls and answer the door---protect the grieving from any interaction they are not feeling up to making.
• Take care of their pets
• Take them to a movie or out to lunch
• Don’t tell them you know how they feel, even if you have been in similar circumstances. Everybody grieves differently. But do tell them you care and that you are sorry for their loss.
• Don’t judge their emotions, no matter how erratic or angry they become.
• Give them space if they need and be there for them when they need it, no matter how much they may swing between the two.
• Assist in funeral plans.
• Assist in notifying family members.
• Watch their children for them to give them quiet time to grieve.

 Weeks, months and even years after the loss:

• Continue to check in on them.
• Let them know you will continue to be there for them.
• Continue to send cards, letters and flowers occasionally.
• Invite them to lunch, to a movie or any other activity.
• Realize that they may never fully get over the loss, but that they can come to accept the loss.
• Don’t tell them what they should or shouldn’t do, unless they ask directly for your opinion. Never tell them what they should or shouldn’t be feeling.
• If they were once a part of a couple, where one has passed, continue to invite them to the same events you invited them to before the loss.  Don’t assume that they won’t want to come or that they will feel uncomfortable without their partner. Always extend the invitation.
• Watch for signs of depression and suggest they seek help (one time it is okay to give unsolicited advice).

            Lack of motivation

            Difficult time getting out of bed

            Loss of interest in activities they once enjoyed

            Difficulty sleeping

            Loss of interest in eating or consistently over-eating

            Avoiding social gatherings

Grieving after a loss can be painful, but it is necessary to help those suffering move forward. Although it may feel like there is little we can do to help those grieving, there is much we can do. 

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